It's not me, it's you

20:39

Saying farewell to toxic relationships. 
My advice: have courage and be kind.

I'm not one for new year's resolutions, but inevitably turning to that fresh page in the diary creates an atmosphere of reflection and contemplation. 2017 contained some of the biggest highs of my 32 year lifetime. Sadly, it also crashed and burned with the most horrific things I've gone through to date. But just because we don't get to choose everything in our lives, sometimes we continue to live with choices that, whilst once were right for us, are no longer wonderful and enriching. Relationships that long ago were everything can unfortunately grow apart, or worse yet, become harmful and toxic...

I lied to a friend about my feelings so I wouldn't make them feel bad about themselves.

I covered up a deep hurt so I didn't make other people feel awkward by hearing the truth.

I apologised for something that wasn't my fault because otherwise I knew I would feel guilty by the repercussions that honesty would bring.

And last but by no means least, I pretended to be someone I'm not because who I am made another person uncomfortable with themselves.

After each incident I told myself it was me. That was, until it came to writing January 1st in my diary and I questioned why I could not let these moments shake loose from my consciousness. Was it really all me? Or could it just possibly be you? The thought initially seemed ludicrous! Then I told myself I have a choice. I can be myself and not care if that hurts someone else (also ludicrous!) or I could be myself and instead, end a relationship so that neither of us would be hurt, feel awkward, or pretend to be someone we're not again. Surely this is what we toast to on new year's eve - good health and happiness?

It is a hard thing to admit, growing apart from a friend or a partner. It takes a lot of courage to say 'we're not good for each other anymore'. But if you have the courage to say those words out loud, then you have kindness too - you are being kind, to the other person but most importantly, to yourself.

x

I don't often do this, but wanted to publicly thank you my husband for being my rock last year through the good times and the bad. I love you my darling.

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